


Remembering Us

by Ilyushka



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, But hes trying to be a good sport about it, F/M, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 01:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18436688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilyushka/pseuds/Ilyushka
Summary: He wonders if Julian thought about their relationship with Asra. Had his apprentice told him about them in their past life? Did Julian remember the nights spent with Asra trying to forget? Did his apprentice know what Asra had done for them?





	Remembering Us

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe drop some requests @ devorakmd on tumblr for things to write

It’s not something that he likes to think about, it’s a thought that keeps him up at night. He stares at the ceiling till the birds begin to chirp outside the window, till rays of light begin to illuminate his room. The thoughts leave a sort of emptiness within himself. The hole filled with bitterness and sorrow. He believes those feelings to be ugly, unjust and wrong. Yet no matter how much rationality he brings into it, he can’t shake them. 

 

Not when he sees the looks shared between the two of them. Eyes glimmering with adoration and happiness. It makes his stomach twist. The gentle brushes of their arms that would bring color to Julian’s cheeks. Asra can vividly remember a time before all this happened, could remember looking at his apprentice with the same smitten looks. He brings a hand up to scrub at his face, trying desperately to push unwanted memories from his mind. 

 

Sometimes, he wished to be in the position of his former apprentice; he was envious. He wished to not have these once fond memories plaguing his every thought. They made his heart ache with an unattainable longing. At the same time, he wouldn’t give up those memories for anything. They were dear to him and even if they caused pain, he was happy to have had them. Happy to have experienced his apprentices love once upon a time.

 

He wonders if Julian thought about their relationship with Asra. Had his apprentice told him about them in their past life? Did Julian remember the nights spent with Asra trying to forget?  _ Did his apprentice know what Asra had done for them? _ He knows that Julian remembers some of it, he sees it in the fleeting looks Julian gives him. A silent apology met only with Asra’s half smile. He wonders what exactly Julian was apologizing for. Not that it mattered, despite his feelings, there was no need for an apology. There was a profound pain that came with watching the love of your life fall in love with someone else. He was being buried alive, the air slowly forced from his chest till he felt like he was being suffocated. But it wasn’t his place to be angry or upset; with Julian or his apprentice. 

 

Asra hadn’t brought his apprentice back to be his. Of course, that’s what he wanted but he wasn’t going to force it. He wanted something organic, something natural and it was clear, that this wasn’t meant to be. And despite his own problems, he would never regret bringing them back. When it boiled down to it, he could put his own feelings behind him. What mattered was seeing his apprentice happy and breathing. Watching the way the corners of their eyes crinkled as a wide smile spread over their lips. Or hearing the way their infectious laugh echoed off every surface, ringing through the air as a beautiful melody. Or the look of pure focus, passion and dedication upon their face as they consulted the cards. 

 

It didn’t matter if he wasn't the one to keep their bed warm at night or pepper every expanse of flesh in gentle kisses. All that he wanted was to see them happy. With or without him. And it wasn't to say that he couldn't make them happy. He still considered them dear to him and he knows the feelings are mutual. Asra would always be there for them as a friend if he couldn't be there as a lover. If Asra couldn’t be the one to love them with such passion that their heads swam, he hoped that Julian could. All he could ask was that Julian was good for them. 

 

Sitting up, he runs a hand through his messy mop of white hair. It was time to begin his day, to leave behind the wallowing sadness and push forward. There was no sense dwelling on things beyond his control. He knows the thoughts will come back and that he’ll once again lament over what could be. He could deal with that later. Asra rises to his feet, trying to shake the weight off his shoulders. It was only a matter of time before his apprentice would show up and the last thing he wanted was for them to see him in such a state. It wasn’t becoming of him and the last thing he wanted was for them to know what they did to him. It wasn’t their battle to fight; it was his.


End file.
